The Battle of the Self

What is it to feel this way?  At once you cling to this generally accepted reality of misery and you drift listlessly with sweeping energies colored in varying human emotions.  So long as things aren’t taken personally, what sound person wouldn’t chose the latter?

But anyone who has ever let go will tell you – dropping the clichés and setting yourself free is not as simple as you think. Although, yes, you come to a point, where the constructs that have always bound you just float away one after the other – the last stretch, where you must ultimately decide to let go or not, is battle.

It’s an interesting struggle, in which to behold oneself.   After all it is fought solely with the self.  Such awareness befalls you.  Inhaling you expect to release the last of the pressure binding you with the air to be expelled.  Reminders and notions of what you had constructed as a reality flood back to you. The reminders arouse responses of hurt, mistrust or even blinding physical pain. Suddenly, ordinary worries and the usual trivialities that consume most of our lives rush back to you and you begin to question everything.

“What was that sound?”

“What is one cigarette going to do to you?”

“Is he really right for me?”

“What am I doing in this job?”

Its negative energy – and its winning.  Yet suddenly something sets you adrift into a different direction.  You realize how this line of thought is useless and so many of these nagging questions don’t even matter.  All of this was built up in your own mind to appear important.  That was only aggravated by the constant social confirmations that you are in fact correct and normal in worrying.  So now that you are aware of this, why can’t you just let it go?

This is your battle – a fight between ego and awareness.  It’s an easy one to lose.  You live with your self, for let’s face it most of your life if you are normal, only to find out that you, the construct, is a sham.  Are you going to accept defeat or wage war?

Most tend to accept defeat – opening up their arms to the comfortable notion of self and the world self builds around it.  Busily concerning their selves with the image of what they think they are and what they perceive others to think of them.  This muddles up with trivial life problems, such as extramarital affairs, mortgages, careers, gossip and another being is swallowed up in the trials of existing.

There are, though, a small number who chose to battle – and ultimately discard of their selves completely.

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